Studio Notes

A newsletter from The Relational Studio - working notes on relational patterns, schemas, and the unconscious agreements we make to stay small in the relationships that shape us. Part field notes, part case study, part permission slip: a regular dispatch from the work, for the people doing it.

The real reason burritos won over sushi. 🌯 | 🍣

(It's your belief system you built decades ago, still running in the background.) Do you know your triggers? Maybe you should get to know them. Because after all, they are your triggers. Not somebody else's. The thing about triggers is that they started somewhere. They've got roots. And like e...

Sep 08, 2026

What Should We Talk About?

This fall I'm trying something new. I'm going to offer a webinar and I'd love to hear what would be most interesting for you. Whichever one wins, I'll teach it live and free in September/October, so vote for what you actually want help with! Options: Fawning As the 4th Trauma Response (the peo...

Aug 19, 2026

Wait. My self-abandonment started when?!?

Self-abandonment doesn't begin the day you say yes when you mean no. It begins much earlier, and much younger. When you receive messages that your inner world is something to be ignored or discounted, a quiet erosion begins, of trust in your emotions, your senses, your overall perception. A few ...

by Rachael Chatham — Aug 15, 2026 narcissistic abuse self-abandonment self-sacrifice

You call it "conflict avoidance." Your nervous system calls it something else.

I hear versions of these two sentences constantly. "When he's upset with me or disappointed in me, I can't tolerate it. I'll just do whatever I have to do to make sure he's not angry with me." "I know what my partner likes, so I just make sure to arrange things to her liking. That way there's no ...

by Rachael Chatham — Jul 28, 2026 hypervigilance people-pleasing self-abandonment self-betrayal self-sacrifice

If they're happy, we're happy. Right? 🤔

I mean, it sounds good, in theory. But in practice, it doesn't always work that way. You love your people. Of course you want them to be happy. And if you can just flex what you want so they get what they need, well, that's easy enough. You're already good at it. Years pass. Decades. And now may...

by Rachael Chatham — Jul 07, 2026

Whoops!

I forgot to actually include the link in that last email. Hey, I did say I was in vacation mode, right?! Here it is. I hope you enjoy the read! (In it, I answer the difference between Relational Intelligence and Emotional Intelligence, in case you're curious.) And here it is again: The Relationa...

Jul 03, 2026

The Practice of Being in Relationship

This week I'm writing the newsletter from the beach, deep in vacation mode. I'm grateful for these chances to reset my nervous system and get some perspective. Which is maybe why I've been thinking about relational intelligence a lot over these past few days. It's essentially the premier social s...

Jul 03, 2026

Loosen Your Grip

True confession here: I'm a tennis nerd. I took up the sport about three years ago and, over time, it has met multiple needs in my life. Friendship, adrenaline, exercise, strategic thinking, and plenty of room for growth. This past week at a tennis clinic, my instructor said something that rea...

by Rachael Chatham — Jun 25, 2026

Studio Notes

A newsletter from The Relational Studio - working notes on relational patterns, schemas, and the unconscious agreements we make to stay small in the relationships that shape us. Part field notes, part case study, part permission slip: a regular dispatch from the work, for the people doing it.

Studio Notes

A newsletter from The Relational Studio - working notes on relational patterns, schemas, and the unconscious agreements we make to stay small in the relationships that shape us. Part field notes, part case study, part permission slip: a regular dispatch from the work, for the people doing it.

Studio Notes

A newsletter from The Relational Studio - working notes on relational patterns, schemas, and the unconscious agreements we make to stay small in the relationships that shape us. Part field notes, part case study, part permission slip: a regular dispatch from the work, for the people doing it.

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