Whoops!

Self-abandonment doesn't begin the day you say yes when you mean no. It begins much earlier, and much younger. When you receive messages that your inner world is something to be ignored or discounted, a quiet erosion begins, of trust in your emotions, your senses, your overall perception. A few examples: As a child, I wasn't allowed to be angry or disappointed. That was called "being moody," ...

I hear versions of these two sentences constantly. "When he's upset with me or disappointed in me, I can't tolerate it. I'll just do whatever I have to do to make sure he's not angry with me." "I know what my partner likes, so I just make sure to arrange things to her liking. That way there's no need for conflict. I'm very conflict avoidant." Both people say this like they're describing a perso...

I mean, it sounds good, in theory.  But in practice, it doesn't always work that way. You love your people. Of course you want them to be happy. And if you can just flex what you want so they get what they need, well, that's easy enough. You're already good at it. Years pass. Decades. And now maybe you're not even sure what you like, want, or need anymore, because you've spent so long preoccupi...