Self-abandonment doesn't begin the day you say yes when you mean no. It begins much earlier, and much younger. When you receive messages that your inner world is something to be ignored or discounted, a quiet erosion begins, of trust in your emotions, your senses, your overall perception.
A few examples:
- As a child, I wasn't allowed to be angry or disappointed. That was called "being moody," and it was a problem for my parents.
- I wasn't allowed to be sad or hurt. My tears were met with laughter and minimization. My dad called that "feeling sorry for myself."
- Asserting my wants was called "selfish," the greatest sin in my family growing up. If I stated a desire or preference, I was "only thinking about myself," according to my mom.
- Listening to my emotions got me into trouble. Acting on them made life hard. So I shifted my attention away from what I needed or wanted and toward what my caregivers needed or wanted, in order to get along. I was much more palatable when I was quiet, compliant, and "easy."
Self-abandonment starts with a lack of self-trust (and ends with exploitation)
When you don't trust yourself, you become vulnerable to people who prefer you believe their version of things over your own. People who manipulate. People who exploit kindness and generosity. People who lack the capacity for empathy. People who try to control how you experience them and the world.
Self-abandonment predisposes you to narcissistic abuse.
How a lack of self-trust shows up now
- You struggle to make decisions, and second-guess the ones you do make
- You chronically look outside yourself for validation
- In relationships, you find yourself absorbing other people's identities, interests, and preferences instead of holding your own
None of this means something is wrong with you. It means the part of you that once knew what was true got overridden, again and again, until it went quiet.
If you're ready to stop overriding yourself, Sacred Self-Trust starts in November. Join the waitlist to be first in line. Reserve your spot.
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