Studio Notes
A newsletter from The Relational Studio - working notes on relational patterns, schemas, and the unconscious agreements we make to stay small in the relationships that shape us. Part field notes, part case study, part permission slip: a regular dispatch from the work, for the people doing it.
Tags: self-sacrifice
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Wait. My self-abandonment started when?!?
Self-abandonment doesn't begin the day you say yes when you mean no. It begins much earlier, and much younger. When you receive messages that your inner world is something to be ignored or discounted, a quiet erosion begins, of trust in your emotions, your senses, your overall perception.
A few ...
by Rachael Chatham —
Aug 15, 2026
narcissistic abuse
self-abandonment
self-sacrifice
You call it "conflict avoidance." Your nervous system calls it something else.
I hear versions of these two sentences constantly.
"When he's upset with me or disappointed in me, I can't tolerate it. I'll just do whatever I have to do to make sure he's not angry with me."
"I know what my partner likes, so I just make sure to arrange things to her liking. That way there's no ...
by Rachael Chatham —
Jul 28, 2026
hypervigilance
people-pleasing
self-abandonment
self-betrayal
self-sacrifice
Studio Notes