Studio Notes
A newsletter from The Relational Studio - working notes on relational patterns, schemas, and the unconscious agreements we make to stay small in the relationships that shape us. Part field notes, part case study, part permission slip: a regular dispatch from the work, for the people doing it.
Tags: self-betrayal
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You call it "conflict avoidance." Your nervous system calls it something else.
I hear versions of these two sentences constantly.
"When he's upset with me or disappointed in me, I can't tolerate it. I'll just do whatever I have to do to make sure he's not angry with me."
"I know what my partner likes, so I just make sure to arrange things to her liking. That way there's no ...
by Rachael Chatham —
Jul 28, 2026
hypervigilance
people-pleasing
self-abandonment
self-betrayal
self-sacrifice
Studio Notes